Dear 15: A letter to myself

image

Dear 15,
I know you’re scared, insecure and unsure about all the things in your life. You are probably thinking about how worthless you are at this moment as we speak with hot tears rolling down the side, wetting the pillow you’re laying your head on, not sobbing, just the tears and the feeling of utter despair eating you on the inside. You’re thinking about the incident, blaming yourself for it, because nobody told you otherwise (because you didn’t tell anyone). You think the world has ended for you just because someone told you that you weren’t pretty, just because you couldn’t wrap your head around that math problem, just because you got rejected. You think nothing will ever change and that you’ll be good for nothing, you feed these thoughts, day after day and will soon accept it to be a fact that you’re good for nothing. At this point you’re probably wondering if things have changed. If you’re suddenly become famous or turned into a genius overnight ir at least an internet meme. Here’s your answer; no, things haven’t changed and you’re DEFINITELY not an internet meme.
You still get rejected once in a while, you are still conscious of how you look, you still open the door of dark thoughts once in a while and flood yourself with worries and YES YOU STILL SUCK AT MATH. But you know what has changed baby girl?
When you get rejected you take it more sportingly now (You know rejections are a part of your life), you get conscious about how you look but it’s not often and you don’t let yourself be defined by your looks. You know now that there will always be someone prettier, smarter, better and you’ve made your peace with that. You still get anxious oh and it still gets bad but now you actually talk to your friends about it (okay so you still don’t open up completely but at least you’ve come this far. We’re working on it). As for the math thing? Nah you still suck at it. But it doesn’t bother you anymore because you finally found your calling and you LOVE IT! I won’t tell you what it is you’ll find it out on your own and it will become a very special memory baby girl! Also you’ve started doing so many things that were out of your comfort zone! I am so proud of who you are turning out to be. Yes, you read it right, I am proud of you! It is because of who you are that you’ll turn out to be the person you’ve always wanted to be.
Oh and one last thing love, you’re not worthless. You’re a damn, freaking awesome supernova.

With love,
21.

My city of lights

Oh my city of lights,
You’re crying
There’s darkness
And cries
They caged the innocent
They let them die,
Hatred won
Humanity lost.

Oh my city of lights,
You’re scared
There’s despair
And rage
They hurt you,
They let you cry.
Hated won
Humanity lost.

Oh my city of lights,
You’re bleeding
There’s blood
everywhere.
They cut you,
They let you bleed.
Hated won
Humanity lost.

Oh my city of love,
I know you’re angry,
You’re enraged.
They instilled hatred,
They taught you hate.
Please,
Don’t let the hate win
Don’t let humanity die.

Drowning beneath the waves

Today, let us talk about something people usually refuse to talk about. Let us talk about depression. Not a pleasant topic to talk about and definitely not something pleasant to go through but sometimes there are such circumstances or happenings that drives one to such a place where it feels like there’s no way out. Where it feels like we’re all alone even amongst a crowd, like we’re invisible. That’s not how one should feel like. Ever.
Depression is an ugly truth of the present day world. According to WHO, globally 350 MILLION people of all ages suffer from depression. Suicide results in estimated 1 MILLION DEATHS EVERY YEAR.
Three hundred and fifty million affected and ONE MILLION lives lost every year.
What has happened? Why is that people are left to feel like there’s no way out of their problems? And why is it still being ignored?!
If someone is hurt physically, there are 10 people to ask about the injury. There are as many there to tend to that injury. However when it comes to mental pain suddenly nobody can notice? Suddenly, it isn’t real? And one automatically becomes “crazy” or said to be “asking for attention”
No. Just because it is not visible doesn’t mean it isn’t real.
Depression is like an entity that stays latched on to you 24×7 and sucks the happiness out of your life! Every happy thought that comes is sucked out and one is left feeling hollow. It feels like one is drowning in the ocean while dying from thirst at the same time. It isn’t a pleasant scenario but it definitely isn’t anybody’s cry for attention!

It is a burden that an individual carries and it is ultimately up to them to drop it and if there’s help it’s definitely a boon.
The trick is that as long as you know who you are and what makes you happy, it doesn’t matter how others see you or think about you. Moreover it is very important to know that opening up about your feelings DOES NOT make you weak. It DOES NOT make you a coward. Sure it might make you vulnerable but it is a better alternative to bottling up all those feelings.
Don’t ever shy away from how you feel. Feeling sad is nothing to be ashamed of. They are your scars, but every hero bears the scars of his or her battles. Those scars are a proof. That you fought and you won. Be proud.

Talk before it is too late. Be healthy. Be happy. Your life is a blank canvas and you are the artist. Go create some art, make it a masterpiece. But remember that like any art, not everyone will understand it, not everyone would appreciate it but there will be some for whom it will be the most beautiful and exquisite thing ever! Don’t stop the masterpiece from happening. Don’t deprive the world of your beauty.

Stand up.

We talk about so many things. End number of debates about what’s happening in the world. We’ll sit and discuss what is wrong with the society and how some people are wrong for doing a particular thing. We like Facebook posts that talk about such injustice and prejudices and what not but what about actually standing up for something happening right in front of us or something that may even involve us? Think about it, how many times do we actually stand up for something we feel is wrong, something happening right in front of us. Does one speak up?
Think. The answer is NO. One doesn’t. Reasons? “Not my problem”, ” It’ll sort itself out”, “Dusre ke phatay mein kaun pade” (Translation: why meddle with something that doesn’t concern us). Sure, everyone is ready to stand by and witness everything happening, because that doesn’t require any efforts at all! But does one speak up? No. But sure, everyone will like those Facebook posts talking about respect and equality and write tremendously long comments ridden with such passionate wording that just tugs at the hearts. Hidden in the veil of annonimity, that’s when one chooses to actually speak up, on a post, about a stranger, to a bunch of other stranger. How about speaking up as yourself in front of people who you know! It might not be easy. Sometimes it will be people we know, maybe our friends or even family. That shouldn’t be a reason to shy away but rather it is all the more reason to speak up and make the person realise what they’ve said or done. And this shouldn’t be taken as an insult or an attempt to make them feel bad. The fact is one will try to make you see their view point only if you matter to that person. So understand that.

But what i dont get is that why is everyone so scared to stand up for what is right? How did we all end up here? How have we become tolerant of things that ought not to be tolerated?
And it just doesn’t end here. Nobody speaks up when the situation demands, most people don’t; of course there are a few who will, no one is denying that but then they are also the ones who’ll be chided later about what they said or what they did. And God forbid, does the actual person in question (who’s being wronged) speaks up for themselves, that will be “over reacting to the situation”. Standing up for one self is not over reacting.
Be it a man, woman or child, anyone can be wronged at any time and it wouldn’t matter, there will always be people witnessing and doing nothing about it. So here’s my message to anyone who’s stuck with me till here, stop tolerating! If you find something to be wrong SPEAK UP and don’t ever think that standing up for someone else ” isn’t your problem “, it might not be your problem today but it might be tomorrow.
And whatever happens, be there for yourself, when nobody is speaking for you, have the courage to do it yourself because it is rightly said, ” You’ve got to be your own hero because everyone is trying to save themselves ”

-A dedication to someone who stood up for themselves. 🙂

Oh Society

Don’t do that, what will people say. Don’t wear that, people will think of you badly. Do you really want people to say that about you? 

Well you must be wondering who these “people” are; no, they aren’t your family members, they aren’t your friends, they aren’t even your distant relatives. These special “people” are random strangers walking down the road, passing by you, who you won’t probably be seeing ever again. And of course we were put on this planet to please them and make sure we live up to THEIR expectations and live our lives according to them. You ask why? Why silly you, because they’re the society and it is SO important to be what the society wants you to be and live by their rules. Your life? Oh, my dear that’s the mistake, you THINK because it is your life you get to make the decisions? No no, you have absolutely NO right whatsoever about what you do, what you wear, how you walk, how to talk.

Individuality? Originality? Oh God no! We all need to be clones who live by the same set of rules so that we can please random people because let’s face it, it is ALL about what they want. There is no such thing as individuality. Now, this society will tell you that you should live your dreams and be whoever you want to be but it’s just them being polite you should know that. Don’t you know? Any change from the regular is bad! A new idea is a sin. Oh to think of it! The society’s mindset won’t change, I mean why should it? for it is the ultimate word handed to them by Lord Judgementalus himself! If society says that wearing short dresses makes you a slut, then of course it does, if they say being gay is a sin, they are right, (Duh! Lord Judgementalus’ words: “If thou art not straight thou shan’t have a right to equality”. Lord Judgementalus 6:9.  Mind you the words are directly quoted from the Holy textbook of society, the Bulshiticus itself) , if you’re fat you can’t be beautiful how can you be? It doesn’t matter what a person is on the inside ALL that matters is what shows on the outside, Tattoos are satanic? You are damn right they are because we all know how ink is used in ALL satanic rituals.

In short, everything you do HAS to be according to society because if it isn’t they’ll break you down. They’ll make you feel like an outsider, make fun of you for being different, you’ll be pointed at, made fun of and ultimately be molded to become one of them as it is.

So why bother being unique? Why bother changing the mindset? What difference will it make? Make people a little broad minded, psht! Who wants THAT. It might make people open up to new ideas you say, why what’s wrong with the old, orthodox, sexist, racist ideas we have been following all these years?

It’s time for a change you say? Then stop letting society change you, let’s stop compromising and stand up not only for ourselves but for others as well. Let’s just stop cribbing and do something as an individual because a change starts small. And show this so called “society” the power of a single idea.

world revolution

Leave me alone!!

You’re sitting, don’t feel like talking, every second thing irritates you, you’re feeling low and there is absolutely nothing wrong! So, what’s up with you? Nothing, it’s just one of those days.

It is normal to feel low sometimes and people need to understand that. We can’t be cheerful all 365 days. Sometimes we need a day or two to just deal with our thoughts, deal with ourselves. Nobody pissed us off, no we aren’t angry with anyone, we just want to be left alone, stop pestering us with your constant unwanted comfort. You see us sitting there, already kind of snappy, leave us alone! Why irritate us and give us reason to shout at you? You see us sitting there, by ourselves and you start wondering, “he/she has been perfectly alright nothing’s wrong with them then why are they sitting like that?”, if you’re thinking this, you are right, there is nothing wrong with us or in our life so, just walk away. We won’t be mad at you for not asking us those formality based questions. We would rather be glad that you understand us enough to know when we need time to ourselves. 

For God’s sake, even Superman has a fortress of solitude; if the man of steel feels the need to be left alone sometimes with his thoughts and enjoy the solitude then so do we!

We all need sometimes to ourselves to reflect on our thoughts, to think about the things we do or the things we have done. We may even appear to be sad but that sadness is ours to deal with and nobody else’s. Instead of smothering anyone with your concerns try to understand when a particular person needs there space. You may not know this, but we will be grateful for the understanding on your part. 

We’d be back to our normal selves in in a day or two, so don’t worry, because it just was, one of those days. 🙂

Must You ALWAYS Cross Your Eyes And Dot All Your Teas?? YES!

One of the best things I have read so far!

Once Upon Your Prime

photo-253 Here is a fact:  If you have OCD (Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder) or are a Perfectionist or even just Superstitious,  (heaven help you if you’re all three!) you will waste spend a lot more time on your blog than the typical person.  There are even sub-sets of related problems that bloggers can develop and not ever realize they are afflicted.  Read on to see if you recognize yourself in any of these 10 maladies.

1.  The Compulsive Commenter Syndrome (extra 10 minutes)  Before you leave a comment on someone else’s blog, you absolutely MUST read what other readers have already said about it, otherwise you could duplicate their remarks or just sound terribly boring in comparison.  Add on another ten minutes if the person’s blog already has over twenty comments.

2.  The Crime of the Rhyme – – (extra 8 minutes)  You get caught up in rhyming, especially your titles. Kind of…

View original post 1,224 more words

Misunderstood Monday

                                        Image

 

Made fun of, hated on, being the butt of all kinds of jokes; poor, poor Monday. Now it isn’t his fault that he happens to come just after weekends.

Frankly, we all hate Mondays. Enjoying two days of peace or partying and then waking up early and going to work with our faces dropped down, feeling sleepy and drowsy. We hate it, heck! Even our most favorite cat Garfield hates it. As the Sunday draws to an end, a feeling of panic sets in, we suddenly remember all the work that is due and start thinking about all those weekdays ahead of us and just pray for Friday to come. It’s 1:00 am and we’re still awake, fretting the morning ahead of us and just as our eyes close, the shrill ringing of the alarm clock wakes us up and thus begins the never ending, gloomy Monday. We drag ourselves out from the comfortable arms of our darling bed who still wants to cuddle with us, and somehow make it up to the washroom and take a bath, put on our uniforms/suits maybe catch up on breakfast and off we are. Still tired and irritated and cursing Monday. We reach our destinations and thus commence the never ending day.

                                                         Image

 Let us take a review of what we did. We slept late, so obviously we are tired the next day, less sleep makes us cranky and snappy then why are we blaming Monday? The truth is, none of us likes to believe that we can be wrong. Come on, which one of us has made a mistake and thought at the very first instant “oh that must be our fault.” It’s human nature to try to put the blame on to somebody else and so we do even if it happens to be a day.

Okay, now let’s think about it from another perspective, had it been Tuesday that came after Sunday or even Friday, we would have hated it too. So come to think about it, we don’t really hate poor Monday, we hate the idea of any day which comes after holidays and vacations.

The truth is, none of us wants to work and none of us wants to wake up early by choice. We do it because we have to. Whether it is waking up early for school or college, to get a good education or going to our jobs, because we need to earn or to tend to our kids so that they can be on time, we are doing it all for ourselves and yet hating on a day who is just helping us getting started up for the rest of the week. Now is it really fair on our part to hate it?

Of course, we might not come to love it like our darlings Fridays and Saturdays but at least we could give it some credit for helping us. So let us all welcome Monday with open arm!! Um okay, maybe not, but at least we can try to be more accepting of it and find our very own ways to deal with it because let’s face it, Mondays aren’t going anywhere!

Image

MATH- The demonic entity

Image

Heart leaping out of chest, blood pressure rising, sweat dripping down the forehead while the pen stayed trembling in the hands, staring at the notebook’s blank pages. This was the effect of TRYING to do MATH.

Since the time math was designed (by the hands of the devil himself of course), it has made students like me cry and curse our fates and question God that what had we ever done to anybody to deserve such a magnified form of punishment that stayed in our lives for at least 10-12 years.

For a long long time, the student race has been subjected to unspeakable forms of torture at the hands of the demonic entity, known to mankind as mathematics. Okay, so maybe I am exaggerating a little bit. Many students all over the world find mathematics ‘not so easy’. I had a cycle of emotions at play before, during and after a math paper which usually involved, crying, blankly staring at walls and crying some more. But now that math and I have parted our ways, realizing that there was no point of being in an abusive relationship, I now understand what I was so scared of. It has been two blissful years, and now come to think of it, I never really gave math a chance, or the time it needed. So at some point it’s my fault too.

Unlike other subjects, math doesn’t seem to interest most of us. It doesn’t tell us about Tom Sawyer whitewashing his fence or about Alice falling down the rabbit hole, It doesn’t tell us about pharaohs and kings and empires, it doesn’t tell us what evolution is or that everything around is made up of atoms and molecules. It is just a bunch of numbers crammed up together with alphabets and sometimes JUST alphabets (Oh the horror! )that we are supposed to bring to a required answer. How does it expect us to be interested?

Two years have passed and I still get jittery and queasy at the thought of solving a sum. Then again my fear is my mistake. Math, like every other subject, needs time, patience, practice. I gave it none of the above like most of us. But is it really our fault for not “liking” a subject? We can only force ourselves to a certain extent to do anything. We can’t force ourselves to like something we simply don’t. Knowing a basic level of math is important, i am not denying that, but that doesn’t mean I have to spend my life trying to do trigonometry or integrating/differentiating any equation, that God forbid, I come across.

None of us should study anything we don’t like because that results in complete repulsion towards the subject and our opinions become biased. I can vouch that this indeed is a fact.

So if you are a person like me, whose worst nightmares are number and alphabets or unknown values of ‘x’ screaming at you “solve me! solve me!”, I say to you, or rather, I assure you, you’re not the only one. But I guess it is our fault for feeding this demon with our fear. So let us all pick up our pens and slay this demon and let him know that his presence doesn’t scare us anymore.

Image

Image

P.S: Yeah I got a semester of math this semester in college so looks like I’ll be meeting the demon again. So good luck to me and to you all! 🙂

Am I perfect now?

Image

Late night studying, few hours of sleep, *wakes up*, bathe, *skips breakfast* (Might go fat), makeup time, foundation, concealer, liner, mascara, lipstick, hair-straightening, *changes a million outfits* Stands in front of society:
 AM I PERFECT NOW?

Perfect. What is this perfect? What is my definition of perfect might not be the same as someone else’s For me a perfect looking girl might have straight, long hair. For someone else she might have short curls.  When the word itself can’t decide what it is meant to be, how does the society expect us to be this word?

What is perfection? I question again. Is it being skinny? If so, then why are the skinny girls being called anorexic while at the same time others are being labelled as “fat”? Everyday thousands of girls are skipping meals. They’re living in this constant fear that if they eat one full meal they’ll become “fat” and be rejected by their peer group and be ridiculed at because this is in fact the present day reality, sadly. Fashion conscious mothers are subjecting their daughters to cosmetic surgeries out of this fear of rejection to meet today’s unrealistic beauty standards, to get them to be “perfect”

Image

Now, if by some miracle, you have the “society approved perfect body”, it’ll be something else that won’t be perfect. It maybe your skin, your nose, your eyes, your height. If there are 50 people complimenting there is one person who finds some fault. And then life becomes a series of processes, trying to render that “fault” away, to conceal it, and somehow reach “perfect” again. Once this one person is satisfied, there is another one with some other fault because again his definition of perfect would be something else.

The world’s depiction of perfect is so unreal that it has left millions of girls doubting themselves. It has made then so self conscious that today 15-16 years old think a hundred times before consuming a snack which reads ‘carbs’ or ‘fats’ And just FYI, those teen fashion magazines aren’t much help either. It at one place there is an ad saying “Love your body as it is” then why is there a photoshopped, skinny model next to it? Does that mean THAT is how a normal everyday girl is supposed to look like? If that is so, then I am way beyond “normal”

Perfection has become an obsession. It is all about trying to impress. Either through your pictures which spend hours on photoshop before being uploaded in order to be molded in that “perfect” picture, or through ourselves by subjecting our face, our body to heaps and heaps of synthetic, chemical cosmetic products.

What are we all obsessing over this much? There is no ugly, there is no beautiful. It is the society which has manipulated us to such an extent that we doubt ourselves every time we scrape through the magazines.

How can someone achieve something that isn’t even static, that isn’t the same to everyone. We all doubt ourselves at some point, we all question ourselves and that is OKAY! Self criticism is good too but only as long as we do not turn it into an everyday chore. 🙂

To hell with what the society thinks. Let us all be our definition of perfect. Because we all are special in our very own way.

                                        tumblr_m5246g7yV91r0amg4o1_500