Dear 15: A letter to myself

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Dear 15,
I know you’re scared, insecure and unsure about all the things in your life. You are probably thinking about how worthless you are at this moment as we speak with hot tears rolling down the side, wetting the pillow you’re laying your head on, not sobbing, just the tears and the feeling of utter despair eating you on the inside. You’re thinking about the incident, blaming yourself for it, because nobody told you otherwise (because you didn’t tell anyone). You think the world has ended for you just because someone told you that you weren’t pretty, just because you couldn’t wrap your head around that math problem, just because you got rejected. You think nothing will ever change and that you’ll be good for nothing, you feed these thoughts, day after day and will soon accept it to be a fact that you’re good for nothing. At this point you’re probably wondering if things have changed. If you’re suddenly become famous or turned into a genius overnight ir at least an internet meme. Here’s your answer; no, things haven’t changed and you’re DEFINITELY not an internet meme.
You still get rejected once in a while, you are still conscious of how you look, you still open the door of dark thoughts once in a while and flood yourself with worries and YES YOU STILL SUCK AT MATH. But you know what has changed baby girl?
When you get rejected you take it more sportingly now (You know rejections are a part of your life), you get conscious about how you look but it’s not often and you don’t let yourself be defined by your looks. You know now that there will always be someone prettier, smarter, better and you’ve made your peace with that. You still get anxious oh and it still gets bad but now you actually talk to your friends about it (okay so you still don’t open up completely but at least you’ve come this far. We’re working on it). As for the math thing? Nah you still suck at it. But it doesn’t bother you anymore because you finally found your calling and you LOVE IT! I won’t tell you what it is you’ll find it out on your own and it will become a very special memory baby girl! Also you’ve started doing so many things that were out of your comfort zone! I am so proud of who you are turning out to be. Yes, you read it right, I am proud of you! It is because of who you are that you’ll turn out to be the person you’ve always wanted to be.
Oh and one last thing love, you’re not worthless. You’re a damn, freaking awesome supernova.

With love,
21.

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